


Wild Card: A Collection of Joker x Harleen Short Stories Inspired by Modern Music

by chickadee333



Series: My Joker x Harleen Quinzel Series [6]
Category: DC Extended Universe, DCU, DCU (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), Suicide Squad (Comics)
Genre: AU, Angst, Arkham Asylum, Bad guys, Bank Robbers, Doctor Patient Relationship, F/M, Joker porn, Joker smut, JxHQ, Leto Joker, Past Joker/Harleen Quinzel, Sex, Short Stories, Vampires, Werewolves, healthy relationship, jxh, porn with a plot, stories inspired by songs, student teacher relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:02:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14232858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickadee333/pseuds/chickadee333
Summary: This is a collection of short stories (or, more appropriately, short story summaries) inspired by modern music. The following synopses are all completely separate AUs and are not necessarily connected to each other. Some are pretty wild, too, with lots of creative liberties taken. If you’ve ever wanted to read a short story or a summary about Joker/Jack Napier and Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn in situations with werewolves, vampires, going away to the front lines of WWII, reaching old age, or in a student/professor relationship, among many others, then read on!





	Wild Card: A Collection of Joker x Harleen Short Stories Inspired by Modern Music

**All Time Low**

_Jon Bellion_

Harleen decides that the gangster life is not one for her and she splits with Joker. He plunges into a depression and thinks of nothing else but getting Harleen back in his life. Joker spends hours looking through old pictures on his phone—photos of all of the good times that he shared with Harleen. He tries to get in touch with her through her friends and even indulges in a little self-pleasure, imagining that Harleen is there with him. He is told in more ways than one that Harleen no longer wants anything to do with him, but he just can’t get his mind off of his beautiful ex. Finally, he heads to a pier where he plans to dump a shoebox of her jewelry into the river when she walks up behind him. “J?” she calls out to him. He turns to her, his eyes bloodshot and dark as if he hadn’t slept for days—weeks even. “Please come back to me, Harleen,” he pleads with her as he sits down on the bench next to him. “I need you.” Harleen looks at the man—a man that she loves—but just can’t take the lifestyle. “I’m sorry, J,” she says, “I just can’t do it.” With that, she walks away as a heartbroken Joker watches her leave.

_I was the knight in shining armor in your movie, Would put your lips on mine and love the aftertaste, Now I’m a ghost, I call your name, You look right through me, You’re the reason I’m alone and masturbate..._

*****

**Cold**

_Maroon 5_

Harley Quinn visits Joker at his club where she sees him accepting a lap dance from a curvaceous and buxom woman with platinum blonde hair. He seems to enjoy it as he leans back and latches his fingers behind his head, smiling at the woman gyrating in front of him. Harley storms out and pushes past Frost as he calls out to her, “Harley, what’s wrong?” Joker returns to the mansion after midnight drunk and looking for sex only to find Harley in bed. He rouses her awake and tries to kiss her, but she pushes him away with an unexpected force. Joker asks why she’s giving him the cold shoulder, but she can’t bring herself to tell him and she leaves the room crying. He picks up a Greek vase from the mantle and throws it at the door in a drunken rage.

_What you holdin’ on, holdin’ on for? If you wanna leave just leave, Why you wanna bite your tongue for? The silence is killing me..._

*****

**Guys My Age**

_Hey Violet_

Harleen Quinzel is new to New Orleans, having traveled from New York City by train to take a new job as a nurse. As a young woman after the turn of the 20th century, she finds herself in a relationship with a man who is abusive. After attending the theater one night, she gets into a fight with her boyfriend, who pulls her into an alleyway and slaps her hard across the face. As Harleen backs against the wall, she stares down the alley and sees embers from a cigarette light up the face of a man wearing black. Her boyfriend raises his hand to strike her again when the mysterious man moves with lightning speed to intercept his arm and throw him like a ragdoll against the brick wall behind him. “My name is Jack,” the beautiful man in a long black coat says to Harleen as he grabs her pale, delicate hand and kisses it. Harleen gasps as he looks up and smiles at her, two long fangs protruding from his lips. Her breathing slows as she begins to fill with an unexplainable desire—as if she is intoxicated by the man’s mere presence. “Do you want me to show you how a man should really treat you?” he asks as he leans in for a kiss.

_‘Cause you hold me like a woman, In a way I’ve never felt before, And it makes me wanna hold on, And it makes me wanna be all yours..._

*****

**Jailbreak**

_AWOLNATION_

The Joker is imprisoned in Arkham Asylum and is assigned a beautiful psychologist by the name of Dr. Harleen Quinzel. Dr. Quinzel makes every attempt to connect with the green-haired psychopath, but just can’t break through his mental fortress. She starts to bring him little gifts to each session, usually candy or snacks—something that can’t be turned into a weapon later. But Joker is quiet and reluctant to speak during their sessions together. Little does Dr. Quinzel know that two of Joker’s men have infiltrated the facility as security guards with plans to set their boss free. “Sorry doc, I was enjoying our time together,” he tells her during a session when he hears gunfire in the hallway. The door bursts open and his men are there to break him out.

_See I’ve been working on a jailbreak, Got no time for a mistake, Any moment ‘til the day breaks, No more time to get to know you..._

*****

**Wish I Knew You**

_The Revivalists_

Joker is an old man in his early 70s spending his final days as a prisoner in palliative care at a high-security hospital. Most of his men have already passed: Frost succumbed to a heart attack ten years back, Fritz died from a gunshot wound sustained in a bar fight decades ago, and Miles recently died from lung cancer being a lifelong chain-smoker. Joker himself now suffers from pain in his shoulder and leg from injuries received when he was much younger but have since been exacerbated by old age. When he’s not working with a physical therapist, he spends his time writing and reminiscing about the time before he was caught and imprisoned one year ago. It was a young vigilante who put all of the pieces together and discovered his whereabouts—a beautiful home far from the city limits of Gotham. Joker refuses to admit that he is having trouble with his memory, despite that fact that his doctors had diagnosed him with severe Alzheimer’s. “You have a visitor,” his nurse calls out to him one day as a lovely woman in her early 60s enters his private room. “Good evening, Mr. Joker,” the woman says to him in a soft and familiar voice as the nurse leaves the room. Her hair is light blonde with a touch of gray and falls to her shoulders in large curls while her sparkling bluish-green eyes look lovingly at the man lying in the hospital bed. “How are you?” she asks as she bites her lip and tears fill her eyes, shining under the light of moon filtering in through the window. “Do I know you?” Joker asks as he looks up from his journal, his once-green hair now almost completely gray. “I... we knew each other when we were young,” she replied, tears now freely falling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry... I don’t remember you,” he said as he continued to write in his journal. It was the name _Harley_ over and over on the page.

_I wish I knew you when I was young, We could’ve got so high, Now we’re here it’s been so long, Two strangers in the bright lights..._

*****

**Now or Never**

_Halsey_

“Would you... would you _live_ for me?” Joker asks Harleen Quinzel as she stands precariously on the edge of the platform forty feet above a vat of bubbling acid. As a testament to her love for the green-haired man, Harleen dives head first into the acid and sinks to the bottom. Reluctantly, Joker decides to jump in after her after he realizes that he has grown inexplicably fond of the woman—his former therapist at Arkham Asylum. He dives in after her and pulls her to the surface, placing his lips on hers and giving her the breath of life followed by a deep and fervent kiss. Weeks pass after that night and Joker has pushed her away, refusing to allow her to accompany him and his crew on their late-night heists and shenanigans to cull Batman from the shadows. Now having taken on the persona of Harley Quinn, she bursts into Joker’s private office and demands an answer. “Why are you _ignoring_ me, J?” she shrieks at him, demanding an answer partly out of sexual frustration. “I wanna be part of your crew... I took an oath for you!” She pulls out a gun from the waistband of her tight shorts and aims it at his face. “Whoa, Harls, put the gun away,” he tells her as he casually closes the lid of his laptop. He stands and approaches her as he pushes a hand through his long green locks and growls before quickly grabbing Harley’s gun while holding her arm behind her back and pushing her face against the wall. “Now, Harls, is that any way to treat your daddy?” he asks as he presses his crotch into her backside. “No...” she responds quietly. “No what?” he prods her for an answer. “No... _daddy_...” she says as he releases his grip from her body and flips her around to face him. “Good girl,” he says as he crashes his lips on hers and begins to unbutton his pants. “Take off your clothes for daddy,” he commands her as he pushes his boxers to the floor revealing his naked lower half and sending shivers through Harley’s body. She complies immediately to his instructions. “Oh, daddy,” she moans as he holds her up against the wall and enters her...

_Never pick up, never call me, You know we’re runnin’ out of time, Never pick up when you want me, Now I gotta draw a line..._

*****

**Nightlight**

_Silversun Pickups_

Set in France in the mid-1800s, a young Harleen Quinzel works for her family’s traveling carnival and finds a handsome man named Jack Napier held in a large cage with a dozen locks. She has a brief conversation with him and Jack ashamedly explains that he deserves to be held in a cage forever. He asks her to arm herself with a gun and a silver bullet, but Harleen scoffs at the thought. Over the next three and a half weeks, she brings food to the dark-haired man with piercing blue eyes, allowing him to be released from his cage to walk around the grounds with her. There are women with layered clothes and hoop earrings tending to the children who are running around barefoot while men on stilts throw torches to each other. Throughout the camp, people of all shapes and sizes are performing amazing feats in practice for the grand opening that evening with Jack being the star attraction. Harleen tells Jack that he should run away—that he’s free and he should never look back. Far away from the camp, he holds her against a twisted and gnarled tree and kisses her gently on the lips before making love to her on the soft grass. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Harleen, but I’m afraid that my only place in this world is in that cage...” That night, his cage is front and center as people from all around the French countryside—some from as far away as Paris—crowd around waiting for the curtain to be pulled away and the promised _loup_ inside to be revealed. Women in the audience scream upon hearing inhuman noises from the cage as the dark satin sheet is pulled away by the carnival master. “Ladies and gentleman, I present to you... _Le Loup_!” Harleen watches from the edge of the crowd as light from the full moon creates hideous shadows on Jack, his body transforming into that of a beast. He turns to the crowd—his eyes shining red with bloodlust and his form now that of a giant wolf. He snaps his massive and menacing mouth at the men who now surrounded him, the women having run away screaming and holding their children in their arms. Bathed in the life-giving light of the moon, the wolf releases a howl that stops the whole camp in its tracks, sending shivers up the spines of every man, woman, and child. The wolf presses against the bars on the cage, which begin to bend under his strength as the carnival master looks at the crowd in terror and walks slowly backward. The bars snap and the wolf snarls as he leaps out into the crowd on all fours, men now screaming and running away in all directions. Torches are knocked over and fall to the ground, catching clothing and tents on fire in a mass pandemonium. “Jack!” Harleen yells through the scattering crowd as she approaches the creature, trying desperately to reach the man inside. “Jack! I... I love you...” she tells him as the wolf stands over a man he has just mauled, blood dripping from his claws and fires now raging around them. “I’m sorry,” she says as she pulls up the gun she had hidden in her dress and prepares to take aim...

_Ladies and gentlemen it’s time to unveil, If this is the moment now to ask do we dare..._

*****

**American Money**

_BØRNS_

Set in the 1970s, the Joker and Harley Quinn make their way from Gotham City to Mexico on a motorcycle, having pulled off the biggest bank heist in American history. Harley managed to obtain a job at the bank as a teller and worked as the inside man while Joker and a small team of men robbed the vault of every last dollar. With police on their tail, the crew splits up and Joker and Harley steal a motorcycle, deciding to travel west with plans to head to a Mexican paradise. Armed with guns and money, they stop along the way to make love in a field as a thunderstorm rumbles in the distance.

_And we can run away, Swimming in the sunlight everyday, Paradise, it’s in your eyes, Green like American money..._

*****

**Doing It To Death**

_The Kills_

Harleen Quinzel is a student at Gotham University studying for her bachelor’s degree in psychology when she signs up for a required course in chemistry. She takes a seat on the first day in the large lecture hall and rolls her eyes—chemistry is certainly not her favorite subject. “I would have rather taken that class in Russian lit,” she remarks to a fellow student sitting next to her as a tall man walks down the nearby stairs and writes his name on the white board. _Jack Napier._ Harleen’s eyes widen and her mouth falls open as she stares at the handsome man with dark hair standing at the front of the room. “Welcome to Chemistry 101,” Dr. Napier announces to the classroom, his blue eyes surveying each face. “We’ll be meeting here every Tuesday and Thursday, unless, of course, you have a Russian literature class to go to...” He turns and stares directly at Harleen in the front row at his final statement. Harleen’s agape mouth promptly closes and her face becomes red with embarrassment. She spends the rest of the semester trying to get his attention, becoming his best student and spending a little too much time with him during—and eventually  _after_ —his office hours...

_Baby save it, we’re wasted, I know we gotta slow it down, But when the waves come, you face them, And you know we can’t stop it now..._

*****

**Into You**

_Ariana Grande_

Harleen Quinzel is a doctoral candidate who is strapped for cash when she hears about a good opportunity to make money as a dancer at a club. She heads to Club Aura wearing her sexiest dress covered in shimmering sequins and meets with a man named Frost who directs her to a private room with a pole. “Dance,” Frost tells her as she watches and looks over at a man seated in the shadows. Harleen begins to move, shakily at first until she gets her bearings, soon swinging her hips and moving her hands all over her body as she stares into the darkness until the song finishes. “When can you start?” the faceless voice asks Harleen with a deep growl, causing her to jump in fear. “I... I... can start...” she stammers as she tries to think. “How about tonight?” he asks as he steps from the shadows, his unmistakable green hair shining like a halo around his face. “I... okay...” Harleen responds as she looks from the Joker to Frost and back, not knowing that she would be expected to start so soon but knowing well enough to not say no to a man like the Joker. After several weeks as a dancer, Harleen makes a substantial amount of money which, in her mind, justifies working for her new employer. She had caught his gaze many times as she danced and found herself moving for him as if it were a private show. She had spent far too much time outside of work and class thinking about what it would be like to kiss him as his hands touched every part of her body. She notes his absence one night as she dances for the crowd, always expecting to see him staring at her and waving away people who wanted to speak to him as he downed a glass of liquor. After she is finished, Frost approaches her and informs her that the Joker needs to see her in his private booth. Her heart skips a beat thinking that she was going to get fired—why else would he call her to his private booth? “Drink?” the handsome emerald-haired man asks as she steps into the large room that sparkled with gold adornments. “Um, sure,” she responds as he hands her a small glass of scotch, which she drinks down immediately to calm her nerves. Joker watches her as her hands tremble while placing the drink onto the table next to the couch where he is seated. “Dr. Quinzel...” he begins. “I’m not a doctor yet,” she corrects him. “I see,” he says as he licks his lips and locks his fingers behind his head. “ _Miss_ Quinzel... I've been watching you... and I want you to dance for me...” Harleen stares at the fearsome yet attractive man and ponders why he would want a private show from her. She begins to dance against the pole next to her when he makes a request. “Closer,” he says. Harleen moves closer and continues to dance for him. “Closer,” he says again as Harleen steps toward him and begins to move. “No, I want you right here,” he says as he motions her to his lap. Harleen swallows hard as she moves directly in front of him and begins to sway. He quickly grabs her, turning her around to sit on his lap as he grinds his pelvis into her and his hands roam along the silky fabric covering her breasts. Harleen gasps being as turned on as she could feel that he was, cursing the fact that they are both clothed as her body quivers in lust. “Oh, Harleen, the things you do to me...” he rasps in her ear as he presses her hips down harder into his lap, gyrating his pelvis into her. “J?” Frost interrupts their private moment as he pokes his head into the doorway of the booth. “You’re needed—it’s urgent,” he informs him as he looks at the beautiful blonde woman sitting on Joker’s lap, his boss kissing her neck. Harleen stands up as she attempts to control her breathing and Joker grabs her hand, locking his eyes with hers. “This ain’t over, doll...”

_Oh baby, look what you started, The temperature’s rising in here, Is this gonna happen? Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move, Before I make a move..._

*****

**Lights Down Low**

_Max_

It is February of 1944 and a 19-year-old Jack Napier learns that he has been drafted to an Army battle unit to fight in the European Theatre. He had big plans to marry the love of his life, Harleen Quinzel, even having picked out a ring for her on his meager salary as a dock worker in Brooklyn. “Hey soldier,” Harleen says to him one day as she visits him on the dock after an afternoon of shopping at the market. “I picked up some fresh veggies... I thought maybe I could stop over tonight and make you some dinner,” she says as she smiles at the young man unloading crates from a pallet. “I would love that,” he responded, his hand immediately moving to the small box in his pocket. He arrives home at night after a long day of work on the docks and enters his little apartment that he’s barely able to afford. It’s alight with candles and dinner is on the table as Harleen stands in the kitchen looking out the window at the fire escape on the brick building next door. “Harley,” Jack calls out to her, seeing that she had read the open telegram on the table requesting his presence with the 1st Infantry Division of the United States Army in Tidworth, England. She turns to him, tears running down her cheeks. “Jack... I don’t want you to go. Please don’t go!” she pleads with him as he races to her and embraces her, his eyes filling with tears. “I have to go,” he whispers quietly in her ear before dropping to one knee and pulling the small box from his pocket. “I have to go, but will you wait for me, Harleen Frances Quinzel? Will you marry me?” he asks as he looks up at her, his crystal blue eyes earnest and wet with emotion. Harleen falls to her knees in front of him and kisses him passionately on his lips, her hands holding the sides of his face before pushing through his dark brown hair. “Yes, Jack Napier, I will marry you, just promise me that you’ll come back... Please come back to me...”

_Can I stop the flow of time? Can I swim in your divine? ‘Cause I don’t think I’d ever leave this place..._

*****

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed these little blips of creativity from my brain! These are quick little snapshots, so please forgive my lack of depth and colorful dimension that I usually try to include in my writings. To explain my thought process on this latest submission: I love music. A lot. When I hear a song, I immediately think about what the video could look like or what movie scene it would be a good pairing with. I often listen to new alt/indie music (probably my favorite genre) and I have quite a few songs on my playlist that just speak to me and make me envision a perfect backdrop to a JxH story. I have chosen these songs because they are representative (to me) of the dynamic between Joker/Jack Napier and Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn. If I actually wrote them out, they probably wouldn’t be more than 1,000 words. I’m not sure if I’ll actually ever get around to writing them beyond the basic summary, but I figured I would get the ideas down on paper and see what everyone thought.
> 
> Tell me what you think of these eleven story ideas. Do you have a favorite one? Maybe one that you would like to see written out as a longer story?  
> XOXO,  
> D


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